Lindsay's State of the Union Address

How am I doing? What is the condition of my life right now? Where am I going? What's on my agenda for the year?

All the things you probably never wanted to know right here in one post! Let's get this started, shall we? You don't have to stand and clap when you agree with something. I'm gonna get pretty "real" here so there probably won't be too much you'll have to clap for anyway.

Well, here's me today, courtesy of the trusty iMac:

When did I get old? Oh, my gosh, kids really do change you, huh? I'm wishing twins on all my still-hot, kidless friends!

You'll notice, I still don't make my bed at age 31 (at what age do mom's start caring about this?) and there's 1 last box to be unpacked into my closet in the house. It's my eBay stuff. I'm dreading organizing it. You'll also notice there is a child playing with my iPhone (clearly I didn't learn my lesson the first time Addy shattered it) and another child running around unattended. Strangely absent from this photo is the third child, whom I assume is playing with knives and firearms in the front room. I'm a great mom!

If you were here, you'd hear "Finding Nemo" playing on one TV and the music of "Oklahoma" playing from the kitchen TV, where I just ate my grapefruit, a biscotti and drank a cup of coffee. You'd see that the house is pretty darn clean because for Christmas and to ease some of my stay-at-home-mom blues, M paid a very sweet woman to come and deep clean the house (have I mentioned yet that I love this man?).

How am I doing? What is the condition of my life right now?
Well, I'm having a rough time adjusting to Reno as my "home." It's the smallest town I've lived in. People talk about how far away it is to go to Sparks (which is about 10 minutes in rush hour traffic and is really just 2 cars driving slowly). I'm from AZ where it takes hours to drive in traffic and Colorado where an hour in the car to get to the next place of interest is no biggie. While I like only filling up my gas tank twice a month, the activities and places to go are limited. I miss Chick-Fil-A. I miss the greek restaurant we ate at in Ft. Collins near M's old work. I miss my friends family, the Blocks. I miss my house in Chandler. I miss having adult conversations. I don't want to feel like this for a "couple of years" until I adjust.

I love my kids so much, but being with them and working for them 24 hours a day is feeling like too much of a good thing. Right now I'm thinking, "hopefully this is coming off correctly." I am blessed to be able to stay home with them and I take this responsibility because I knowingly signed up for it. My philosophy is that someone is going to raise my kinds. It needs to be me. It will be me, but living at work with no sick time, no pay and no days off (not even a weekend) is so hard. I see my girls responding to me less in the "i-love-my-mommy" way and more in the "shes-going-to-discipline-me" way. Daddy gets home and they're all over him to give him hugs and kisses because he hasn't put their butts in timeout 18 times or lost his temper that day.

I've been wrestling with how women enjoy watching toddlers at all (which some women seem to outwardly enjoy). It is not fun. 3 is a very hard age. My girls are starting to test me, talk back to me, scream and throw fits all to see what I'll put up with and what I won't. What will get them what they want and what will get them sent to time out for 3 minutes. I try so hard to win. Sometimes, at the end of the day, I think they've beat me though. I'm praying that God makes my days a little more enjoyable because I know I'm going to look back at this time when they're leaving me to go off to college (or something like that) and I won't remember the time-outs. I'm going to wish they were that small again. I'm going to wish they would curl up on my lap and ask me to sing them a song or make their hurt go away. I'm going to say to myself, "I'd take the screaming and the constant work for a few minutes of their tiny selves."

I'm not even going to get into how much I need a mom right now because I know I shouldn't still be crying about her. I'll save that for another post.

I just don't get the whole, "I'm going to choose to be happy today" thing. Generally, I'm a very happy person but I'm not into pretending I'm feeling something that I'm not. That's great if it works for you to put on that happy front but if I'm having a hard time, I don't put out roses and giggles for other people. I mentally can not comprehend how that would help. Obviously, things are different around kids, but if I've had a bad day, is that so bad? Can't I choose to just be frustrated at some parts of my life? Maybe I'm misunderstanding this "movement" just like I misunderstand the whole concept of forgive and forget.

I miss my church, Flatirons. I am having a hard time finding an acceptable replacement here in Reno.

One last thing, I'm really not into how I'm looking these days. I can see how much older I'm starting to look. After my pregnancies, babies, and let's face it, breastfeeding 3 kids, I'm but a remnant of what I was even 4 years ago. I do not like it at all. I think my husband must be disgusted by the way I look when he comes home from work some days (though, he would NEVER say that for fear that I'll stab him).

So that's how I'm doing right now. My husband is, of course, stellar. He will pretty much support whatever I tell him I need. If I want to work, he's fine with that. If I tell him I want to put the girls in school, he's ready to do that too. I think he'd pretty much go to the moon if I asked him to do it. I've got no complaints in the part of my life where Michael is concerned. I realize what a huge blessing this is. It's not overlooked. I do love my kids. Despite the fact that they're difficult, they're really obedient and well-behaved children. They make me laugh every day. For that, I'm thankful!

Where am I going? What's on my agenda for the year?

Well, I'm not just sitting here feeling bad for myself because I have 3 small kids. If I'm anything, I am a "do-er." It's in my nature to find a solution to a problem as soon as I have recognized that something has to give. So, I'm doing...

I've joined a mom's meet-up group to meet other adult humans who may feel the same way I do. My guess is that most of them will put on the "I love being a mom and doing mom stuff more than life itself" front, but there's bound to be a few ladies who feel the need to day-drink to get through this stage. KIDDING...mostly. I'm going to a play-date and a mom's movie night with them in a couple of weeks.

The twins, Boston & Teagan, are starting part-time Preschool next week. It's an amazing little Christian school where they'll do art, learn new things, talk about God, play with kids other than their siblings and where I don't have to follow them around to pick up after them. SCORE! It's a win-win, in my book. I'm trusting that God is going to provide a way for us to pay for this Christian education because for 2 mornings a week, it's expensive. Really expensive. More than simply cutting out Starbucks! As they get older, it's just going to get more expensive, so go-go-gadget-God! As an added bonus, I hope this school thing will help me meet other moms around me. The girls are really excited. When we took them to meet the teacher and see their classroom, Boston walked in and whispered, "wow!" That's a good sign.

I picked up the Project Life digital kit in order to feed my need for a creative hobby and I've recruited some of my besties to do it with me so I have someone to share it with. Haha SUCKERS! Just kidding, this is seriously going to be a great experience for all of us. I know it. Here's my latest page:

Page 6: New Years Eve with Kids

I'm reading some inspiring books. Namely, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul.

So far I really like this one, I'm more than half way through it. The last few chapters were pretty "real" so it took me some time to digest it. I'm going to finish this one in the next week or so I think.

I joined a gym. If nothing else, this should give me an opportunity to shower a few times a week without a kid begging me to get in and pointing at my normally-clothed body parts. I like the child care there. The woman is a real ball-breaker, which I think some moms will hate, but she runs a tight ship and I like it. One of my secret goals this year is to run a race, this is probably a pretty good place to start, huh?

M and I continue to search for a church to call "home." We've ruled out two that I thought were pretty promising. We need good teaching and decent music. Go-go-gadget-God!

So...there you have it. That's all about me and what's going on in my life at this very moment. January 5, 2012.

Anyone else up to share their State of the Union with the world?