We're 4!

On this day, 4 years ago, I became Mrs. Moreno.

Michael was placed in my life at a very specific and perfect time to set off a chain of events that still astounds me when I say them out loud. He plays an integral part in my story. He is a very large part of my personal happiness right now. I know that sounds very co-dependent of me to say, but really I am depending on him to provide me with some reasons to smile outside of my kids. I'm probably walking that co-dependent line during this otherwise trying time in my life. I'd also be functioning at a much lower level if it wasn't for him to "keep me moving."

When we met, I was ready and I didn't even know it. I was heartbroken at the time, which allowed me to be a little more vulnerable than I might have otherwise been with this non-pushing, yet, perfect-for-me man. After getting to know him, I changed my (very stubborn) mind about having kids. When we married quickly, it was because God had set fire to a need to have a baby and I wasn't about to wait for a year long engagement to start that process. Looking back at it, I know we were to have our babies quickly so that my mom could hold, kiss and love every single one of them. Not for her, but for me. I need that image. The girls came early and I got pregnant with Addy on the very first time we "tried." Had it have worked out even 1 month later or if the girls had been on time, my mom would not have met Addy. She died when Addy was only 3 weeks old. The birth of my girls changed my relationship with my mom to something very special and I have Michael to thank for that...well, God and Michael.

How about that for God's timing? I guess all that talk in Jeremiah 29:11 makes sense, huh? If you don't have the whole thing memorized (ha), it says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." I can't say that I fully understand the timing on mom's death (and I'm not feeling a whole lot of "future and hope" right now) but I do know it has had a profound effect on me, my actions, my emotions, my decisions...my life. I do actually believe that this tragedy was meant for me. An act of tough love, if you will. Do I believe I caused it? No. My mom's exact number of breaths were known and determined by God (Job 14:5 "You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer"), but her life was painfully short and I can't seem to walk away from the feeling that I am being given a life-altering "take-away" from this event. I believe that's part of Michael's purpose in my life, to help, comfort, encourage and challenge me through this change. I read a chapter in Genesis today about Sarah, Abraham and Isaac that resonated with me. There is a reference to the special role that Isaac's new wife played in his life when his mom had died. Genesis 24:67 "...He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother." That's what a spouse is intended for, right? To be what it is that you need, to hold you up or sit you down (whatever the case may be), to be a source of joy through the disappointments of this life. 

A husband has a tough job. He's got to be the leader, the strong-hold, the provider, and the giver. Michael, he's all that. I'm watching him evolve into an amazing Christian man, husband and father. He makes wise choices, he works hard, he loves freely, he listens intently and he does it all with a serving spirit.

If I can say it without sounding boastful, I think we have a great marriage. I hope we continue to be as happy together as we have been these past 4 years. Even when we fight (which happens), I know he loves me. I think the secret is enjoying each other's company more than that of any other person (most days).

Thanks for being you, M. I just love you.